Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Great Googly Moogly

I'm not sure if anyone got through the "In the beginning" section of this book. I had to try, because I was unwilling to re-read the first three books before I delved into this one. But I just couldn't do it. About halfway through, my eyes started to bleed. As bad as the rest is, this intro is THE WORST.

It may or may not surprise you to learn that I can not save this intro. Not if my life depended on it. (Well, at least not without the manipulation that a digital copy would allow.) Since I'm stuck with a printed version, where the sentences will remain in the order they were put in, I can only do so much.

Thus, I would like to introduce you to "The Sarcastic Re-telling of the History of Alagaesia".

Page 1:

In the beginning, there were dragons: proud, fierce, and independent. All who gazed upon them despaired, for their beauty was great and terrible. 
"All" meaning "themselves", as no one else lived in Alagaesia yet. 
They lived alone in the land of Alagaesia for ages uncounted, until the god, Helzvog, got bored and made the stout and sturdy dwarves from the stone of the Hadarac Desert. 
Then the elves sailed to Alagaesia from across the silver sea. Not, of course, to be confused with Tolkien's elves, who sailed away across the sea. 
They warred with the dragons. They would have destroyed the dragons, even as the dragons would have destroyed the elves, but they didn't quite manage it. Instead, a truce was struck, and a pact sealed between the dragons and the elves. By this joining, they created the Dragon Riders, who kept peace throughout the land of Alagaesia for thousands of years. 
A tough job, that. There were so many bad guys around... wait. Scratch that. 
Then the humans sailed to Alagaesia, from nowhere in particular. Around the same time came the horned Urgals, and the Ra'zac, who are the hunters and eaters of men's flesh. Now there are bad guys around. This is where the Riders keep the peace. 
The humans also joined the pact with the dragons. 
(This is where the history becomes relevant to the story.) 
Quite a long time later, a young Dragon Rider, Galbatorix, rose up against his own kind. He enslaved the black dragon, Shruikan, and convinced thirteen other riders to follow him.

I'm having fun with the sarcastic bits, but I can't decide if I'll do that for the real book part, or actually try to make it halfway decent. I may not be able to resist the temptation toward sarcasm. But we'll see.

I also don't know if I'll post too many full pages on here, or just give examples every once in a while. Also yet to be seen.

Till next time, peace out.

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